FINALLY READY FOR THIS...GRATITUDE

After starting this blog about 18 months ago I now know what it is my first post is supposed to say. In January of this year I started going to an LDS 12 step meeting. The issues surrounding my body image had become so overwhelming that I came to the point where I was finally able to admit that I was and am powerless to overcome my issues/addictions and my life had become "unmanageable" as step 1 states. A lot has happened and I have learned so much since that first meeting I attended back in January and yet I still feel like some days I am fighting a war that is impossible to win but through the power of a loving father in heaven and the atonement I am fighting this battle with all I've got and I will never give up. Funny thing is that what this all entails is a sort of "letting go"...letting go with out letting myself go, I guess. The topic I would like to write about is gratitude and it hit me the other day like a ton of bricks. Heavenly Father is great at using my children to teach me and I feel so much there is a similitude between the relationship with my children and I and He and I. So...back to the story. I had, the other day, a package of Tic-Tacs which my 4 yr old wanted so me being the generous mom I am gave him one of each color (ended up being 4). He looked down at the palm of his hand then looked back at me in disgust and said "but, I wanted 5 not 4." At first I was bugged and gave him the whole you should be grateful for what you have speech. Then it hit me. In the back of my mind I could feel Heavenly Father lovingly saying "gee, thats kinda how you are." "I give you all these awesome blessings (family, friends, a home, food, etc.) and you still want more." It was then that I felt very disheartened by how much I have pursued a certain body type never accepting that the one he gave me was good enough. Let me say that there are multiple issues surrounding this one issue that I am currently working on but in that moment I just felt so grateful for what I DO have and the fact that if He never gave me anything else it would be okay. I had no problem giving my child 1 more Tic-Tac I just wanted to him to be grateful for the 4 I had already given him. I think Heavenly Father is like this. He has so many blessings he is willing to give us. He just wants to know that we are grateful for what we already have.

So much to say...

I never thought I would join the blogging community but here I am. This is mostly for me to use as a type of journal but I do love sharing my story which is still being written and will probably never end. This is my story of the journey I am on to find purpose and peace in my life.